Things I Learned During Jury Duty

  • The courthouse buys Hills Brothers coffee. In bulk. And it tastes just as it did in the 70s.

  • Revlon is an arms manufacturer.EMI and Sony are not. You may not take nail files into the courthouse, even if it wasn't a problem the day before. CDs, however, are fine, even though a modest effort and abrasive would put a knife edge on the disc the x-ray machine would miss.

  • Some county workers do not believe reality has a consistent structure. The security person at the metal detector insisted (and told me it was an order when I suggested we just skip to the wand) that I walk through the metal detector again—even though there were absolutely no changes to the contents of my pockets or person. He seemed surprised when the detector went off again. I was not. We finally got to the wand and the electronic patdown.

  • Jury room windows do not open. The possible reasons are ambiguous.

  • Gourmet food. Girl Scout cookies (and Hills Bros. coffee) are a gift from the gods at 3:00 in the afternoon.


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